He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
