mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
