Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
