Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
