There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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