after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
