i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
