It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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