bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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