Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
