i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
