when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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