She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
