Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
