my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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