I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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