Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
