I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
