i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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