Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
