i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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