My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
