you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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