I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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