PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
