i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
