question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
