escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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