I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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