Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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