"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
