Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
