i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
