this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
