is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
