So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
