I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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