Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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