I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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