Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
last night I used snow as a chaser
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
