Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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