He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
