I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I AM VODKA MAN
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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