grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
