As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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