Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
