He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
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i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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