living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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