'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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