Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
