I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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