Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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