she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
