True but thats because hes a fetus.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
