Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
