Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
