His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
