If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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