Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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