Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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