This house was built for laser tag.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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