so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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