I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize