D3 body, D1 cock
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
