what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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