The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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