i jhust puked up my retainher.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
