my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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