lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He has the fingertips of a God
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