Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
