Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
