Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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