I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
