yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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